I'm worried about my own behaviour

It’s hard to admit there’s a problem with your own behaviour, but you've taken the first step by being here. 

Does this sound familiar?

• You're jealous when your partner goes out with their friends 
• You're demanding account passwords and to see their messages. 
• You try to control what they wear, where they go, what they eat and when you sleep. 
• Needing a say in all their decisions – even if its about work or school. 
• Taking charge of the money without asking and refusing to provide money for necessary things. 
• Pressuring them into things they might not be comfortable with. 
• Using threats – for example, saying you will harm loved ones or take away children or pets. 

This is controlling behaviour, and these are signs that you’re crossing a line. 

If things are going too far 

If you’re hurting someone you love and you don’t know how to make things better, help is out there. It’s in your control to change. 

180° project 

The 180° Project is run by the charity Glow. You will receive a range of support to help you recognise what a healthy relationship looks like and help you find safe ways to deal with your emotions. 

The team will also do regular check-ins and offer support and safety advice to partners, ex-partners and children of people receiving support from this service. 

Get in touch with the team here: Glow 

Respect Helpline 

You can contact Respect if you’re worried about the way you treat your partner. This is a confidential helpline, email and webchat service where you will be listened to -  no judgement. The advisors will offer you honest advice to help make things right. 

Find more on the Respect website: freephone 0808 802 4040 or visit Respect Phoneline | Respect 

Support with other problems 

There’s no excuse for hurting someone you love, but there might be things you need support with to help you be a better partner. It’s in your control to reach out and make a change. 

Your GP is a good place to start for anything which make you feel out of control. They can let you know about other services, and sometimes make a referral, so that you can get the help you need.  

Drinking too much 

If your drinking is getting you into trouble, or you don’t like who you are after a drink, then alcohol could be part of the problem. 

There is lots of support which can help you get back in control of your drinking.  

Read more about alcohol support on the NHS website.

Mental health struggles 

Lots of people struggle with their mental health – one in four people will experience depression or anxiety at some point.  

It can be hard to open up, but your GP can help and will be used to talking to people about their mental health. They can also support you while you wait to be seen by specialist services.  

You can also refer yourself for NHS Talking Therapies, without needing to see a GP. This can help with challenges like: 

• Anxiety and panic 
• Feeling low or depressed 
• Trauma  
• Stress

Find out more about Talking Therapies in Derbyshire here.

You can also find self-help tips through Every Mind Matters.

Help with anger 

Everyone gets angry - it’s how we deal with it and react to it that matters. If you’re always losing it, you need to find a better way to handle things.  

Simple things like exercise or catching up with a mate can help you let off steam.  

If your anger is crossing a line and becoming a problem in your relationship, it’s important to get support. Your GP can help with this. 

The mental health charity Mind also has advice to help you keep your cool.